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LE KIOSK ($$- $$$)
1 Marine Parade,
Manly, NSW 2095 Australia
+(02) 9977 4122
RATING: Worth A Bang
If I had to make a list of the top three things I despise in life it might read like this:
1) Tuna Noodle Casserole
2) Sarah Palin’s voice
3) Going to the Beach
So naturally you can imagine my excitement when I found out we would be spending the day in the sand, surrounded by screaming children that use the South Pacific Ocean as their own personal toilet. The silver lining to this story is that I was not alone in my misery. My good friend Deb stuck by my side like sand stuck in a fat persons fold of flab. See, Deb and I are both fair-skinned Irish folk so the sun is not out friend. We much prefer a pool to the ocean, a spray tan to direct sun, and a cocktail to …well almost anything, really. Also, whenever I do go to the beach, I live in constant fear that
someone might confuse my body on a beach for that of a whale and try to roll me back in the water. So you can imagine my relief when we discovered an outdoor restaurant steps away from the ocean, that had not only shade, but plenty of booze to boot. It was as if Mel Gibson had heard our prayers.
While the rest of the gang played Russian Roulette with the sun, Deb and I enjoyed some early afternoon cocktails. All was right in the world. A few Lychee martinis later, (how gay does that drink sound, eshh) and the rest of our party began to trek sand and the foul odor of Coppertone SPF 40 back to our table. As an extra bonus, our friend invited two former co-workers to join us for lunch. Turns out these co-workers took their jobs very seriously and put in some major overtime, earning them each a divorce and joint custody of several children. It was like a modern-day Brady Brunch with Aussie accents. The only disappointment was that I somehow got crammed at the end of the table with all the kids. But nothing another cocktail wouldn’t fix. After we had placed our lunch order, it didn’t take long to realize that our waiter was a disaster. The way in which our food arrived at the table was schizophrenic. Appetizers came with other people’s entrees while children’s meals were placed in front of adults and cocktails haphazardly placed in front of children. It was a total cluster f&#^ and the waiter had no idea what was going on. Thankfully the food was tasty or I would have made a drunken scene like Shia LeBouef. To be honest, as soon as my plate hit the table, I couldn’t be bothered with anyone else’s problems. I was like “The Hoff”, concerned about no one but my greasy cheeseburger and the cold bathroom floor.
Apparently Miguel started eating food that was placed in front of him while one of the kids at the table never received her meal. There were ten of us eating, and it took a while to notice that one child was actually left behind, with no lunch. Miguel had been eating hers. Eventually she was fed, but I was too engrossed over a perfectly seasoned order of beer battered dory filets with chips to even notice. The fish and chips were beyond delicious as was the pomme puree with truffle butter that someone ordered for the table. Between the vodka, pomme puree and the chips on the table, I feared we would start another potato famine. But it didn’t stop me from sticking my spoon into that creamy potato deliciousness placed before me. All in all, this is one of the few restaurants near Shelly Beach and the food and drinks are worthy of a visit, if you can get past the horrific service as well as the fat, hairy men sporting banana hammocks on the
beach several feet away. If you consider yourself more of a shallow human being and could care less about the quality or taste of food, I’d first wonder what the hell you were doing reading this blog and then I’d simply point you in the direction of Bondi Beach, where all the pretty people sunbathe and workout. But be warned, the food is generic and over priced and the scene at Bondi is like Nadya Suleman womb, overpopulated but fun to gawk at.
FOOD: Beer battered dory fillets, Creamed pomme puree with truffle butter.