As I collect m
y thoughts and channel them into reviewing restaurants in Sydney, Australia, where employees don’t necessarily rely on the kindness of customer tips to survive, I realize that it seems almost unfair to be reviewing restaurants in this country at all. It’s kind of like holding a three-year old girl responsible for looking like a mini drag queen sporting daisy dukes and a halter top, prancing around on stage to Achy Breaky Heart in some Holiday Inn banquet room outside of Orlando shooting finger pistols at a panel of middle-aged, overweight women in the hopes of scoring a tiara and a trophy to fulfill
her mother’s broken dreams. Ironically it’s always some brainiac toothless mother that manages to somehow spin the story. “I feel it instills confidence and self-esteem in my precious baby girl who the good Lord
Jesus has blessed upon this earth to compete in beauty pageants. Plus Chantelle practically begged and screamed at me to let her enter,
Jesus has blessed upon this earth to compete in beauty pageants. Plus Chantelle practically begged and screamed at me to let her enter,” the mother always manages to say as she alternates between slurps from her 64-ounce Big Gulp and handfuls of Chili Cheese Fritos. Meanwhile her precious “baby girl”, dressed like a hooker from Hunts Point, begins to have a meltdown, stage right.
One can’t really blame a poor pageant toddler for their mother’s lack of intelligence or moral compass, just like one can’t blame waiters in foreign countries for poor service at restaurants because at the end of the day they don’t have to care, they’re getting paid a decent salary regardless of whether you care to tip or not. So if you go in with the attitude that the service is going to be less than stellar, you may find yourself pleasantly surprised. Wholly Gastromony can occur outside the United States, but you just have to be lucky enough and in the right place at the right time. Kinda like OJ Simpson. So in the essence of time I am only going to review a few special places I had the pleasure and unfortunate pleasure to dine at while visiting down under.